Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
My Links
Canadian Diabetes Association
American Diabetes Association
Kraft Diabetic Choices
Thoughts Interrupted
JennsAbsent
Chicalookate's Blog
Scubadiva's Blog
Sulkbrarian's Blog
Librarianguish's Blog
Islandartist's Blog
Ladyblog's Blog
Almsthvn's Blog
James Lileks
Etiquette Hell
Dave Barry's Blog
The Onion
My Underrated TV Shows Poll
My Songs You're Ashamed to Like Poll
My "Classic" Movies You Didn't Like Poll
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Yeesh... |
| 04.29.04 (8:57 pm) [edit] |
|
...was that a longwinded story about nothin'! :) But I must say, it was nice to get it off my chest. The hairdresser horror has been bugging me for a long time now.
|
|
|
| |
| Hair saga, part 2 |
| 04.29.04 (6:56 pm) [edit] |
And since I gave up on Natasha, I've been searching. I settled on a walk-in salon in the mall that had good prices. They did an adequate job of my highlights before my wedding last year, so I went back afterwards.
I'd now officially had it with long hair forever - I'd only grown it out one more time so I could wear it all up for the wedding. After the honeymoon, I went back to this salon and found the hairdresser I'd been searching for - she understood what I wanted when I explained I wanted it cut off and fun and cute, she was enthusiastic, and she gave me a great, cute haircut. Two weeks later, she got married herself and moved out of town.
The next time I went to the salon, the stylist I got (who had done my okay wedding highlights) somehow interpreted my description of that girl's fun, flippy 'do as a mullet.
Okay, well, I won't go back to her, then. The next time, I got Diana, who did an okay cut and good highlights. And I've been seeing her ever since, because between Mullet Lady and the other stylists who, I'm sorry, just really don't seem all that bright, Diana did the best job. But it was never the same as that first cute cut and every time I've gone back, my hair has gotten a bit weirder. Strange layers, mostly, and somehow the return of the bangs, which I'd finally managed to admit were not a good idea.
So, in January I decided I'd try a different place - maybe the problem was that Diana's was the cheapest salon in the mall. So I picked one that looked nice and ended up with a surly chick who spent about 8 minutes on me and talked to the other stylists the whole time. When I asked for her advice about the bang problem, she snarkily pointed out that that was actually not my bangs, it was the hair at the sides of my face (um, yes, because the bangs had grown out some). When I asked for her advice on what I should do with my hair in general, she said "I can't decide that for you." No, but you could offer me your professional opinion, which is what I thought I was paying you for. I'd refused the washing and blowdry styling options and she took me at my word. She did a few snips, parted it in a new place, and sent me out into the January cold with soaking wet, unstyled hair. Oh, and when I said that my hair didn't part that way, it parted down the middle, she informed me I'd have to "train" it to part to the side. No advice on how, no tips, just the order to train my hair. So that was the end of my experimenting. (And of her tip.) If I have to pay more to get less and be treated badly, I may as well go back to Diana.
(And yes, I understand that I wasn't entitled to anything, having refused the extra styling, but I've never been sent out of a salon with sopping wet hair and not even a dab of mousse.)
And so back I went to Diana. And, actually, once I got over hating it and it grew out a bit, I got a ton of compliments on my last cut from her, so I was feeling okay about returning.
But never again will I believe her when she tells me it's going to flip. That was my mistake on Monday. She asked if I wanted it to flip at the back. Yes, I said, thinking that perhaps I'd finally get my cute cut back.
No. She cut it too short at the back (as always) and the sides are just bizarre - too long in some places, too short in others. There's no actual flipping, just a few places where it sticks out if I pull on it enough. And the bangs are back to being thick and stupid-looking. And, just as she was finishing, she put a ton of "product" in it (which I know my limp hair needs, but it's nice to be able to get by without) and said that if I'm out in the sun and I get sweaty, it'll probably all fall down, anyway, because my hair's so fine. Gosh, thanks. It's an unseasonably hot spring and they're predicting the hottest summer ever.
I didn't even really like it when she styled it, but, of course, I can't even make it look that barely presentable by myself.
Sigh. I should just shave it all off or wear hats or something. I can't seem to win.
|
|
|
| |
| The saga of my hair, part one |
| 04.29.04 (6:02 pm) [edit] |
I'm never happy with haircuts. Sometimes I get used to them after a few days, but never, upon leaving the salon, do I like them. And I've been searching for a good haircut for years. I just got one on Monday that I hate, so I've been pondering my hair more than usual.
My hair has gone through so much that it's hard to keep the order straight, but tis a long and sad tale...
When I was little, my mom kept my hair very short. I hated it. I never learned to do any of that girlie stuff like braiding and whatnot and I always ended up having to be the boy when my next-door neighbour and I played games that involved both genders. So, as soon as I was in charge of my hair growth, I decided to grow it long. I also had a serious addiction to bangs, believing that I had a huge, ugly forehead. And when the joyous time came that it got past my shoulders, I still had the Beatle-esque bangs, layers around my face that wouldn't catch up, and long, straggly, limp hair. It was not attractive. But it was long, damn it!
For my growing-up years, I went to the same salons as my mom and our last joint stylist was a very nice woman who did a pretty good job. But as I got into my teenage years, I found that she just cut it the same way every time and I couldn't get her to break out of it. So I changed salons, based on the recommendation of my friend's mom.
Now, it was about this time that I started getting perms. Yes, I know now that perms are not a good idea at all. But I have fine, limp hair and that was the only way I could think of to get any body to it at all. My husband has seen the photos and is still very scared that I'll one day come home with "poofy hair." Every once in a while he needs reassurance that those days are gone.
Anyway, I switched to the new salon and Joy the stylist was young and pretty hip and I liked her. I kept on getting the perms and started experimenting with highlights. It seemed to be going pretty well and even when Joy left, they replaced her with someone better, Natasha. She was even cooler and really got to know my hair and I could go in for a cut and know she'd do it right.
Then she had a baby and started working part-time and the salon started falling apart, since she seemed to be the only competent person there. She wasn't scheduled to work when I could make it in and when I could make an appointment, they started messing them up, scheduling me for times she wasn't there, etc. The final straw was when Natasha made me an appointment with someone else for highlights (because I was desperate for an appointment) and when I got there, the poor little new stylist had to tell me she couldn't get done before the shop closed because they'd written down the wrong thing. That wouldn't have been so bad, but it was just before the weekend I was both attending my 10 year reunion and being a maid of honour (hence the desperation), so I needed good hair. I decided that that was the end of my relationship with that salon and ended up having to pay an emergency visit to a ridiculously expensive salon elsewhere in the mall.
(This is getting ridiculously long. If you haven't passed out from boredom yet, To Be Continued.... :) )
|
|
|
| |
| Good Doctor's Appointment |
| 04.29.04 (2:09 pm) [edit] |
The orange jug test showed that my kidneys are fine, thank goodness. I'm still a bit annoyed with Dr. S for his insensitive handling of the situation when he told me so bluntly that they [b]weren't[/b] fine, but at least now I know for sure. My blood pressure is good and I've lost about another 2 pounds. Not much to do now until I see the endocrinologist except have another blood test. I'm beginning to think they should give me my own personal chair at the lab.
I was a bit annoyed that, when he asked how the weight loss was going and I was pleased to be able to tell him I'd lost some but didn't know exactly how much because I'd just started weighing myself he said "So, a slight weight loss, then?" Dude, ANY weight loss is a really big (literally :roll: ) deal for me, because I've been overweight since I was 10 years old. Also, it's only been 2 months. I need to lose at least 50 pounds. You do the math, buddy. (And actually, my husband and I figure I've lost about 15 pounds, based on what I thought I weighed before I started weighing again.)
Weirdly, though, Dr S continues to mention me getting pregnant every single damn time I see him. Does he think all childless women are desperate to get pregnant? Is it me, do I have a desperate to get pregnant look about me? He said that I'd be on Metformin until I decided to get pregnant and then I'd have to switch to insulin (which he has told me every time I've been in) and then said something about the blood pressure drug not being all that great during pregnancy, so maybe the endocrinologist would want me to take something else that was better for the fetus but didn't control the diabetes as well. What fetus??? There is no fetus and probably won't be for several years, when I'm ready to create one! I'm much more concerned about controlling the actual diabetes right now, not how it's going to affect my someday pregnancy. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's super important to get all of the information you need to have a safe pregnancy, period, and even more so with a chronic disease. It's a good thing that he's mentioned it. But he mentions it [b]every single time![/b]
|
|
|
| |
| Feeling better |
| 04.27.04 (5:40 pm) [edit] |
Feeling a bit better. Got all cried out, I guess. Plus work was rather crazy as soon as I got in - the computers had come back, which meant a ton of e-mail to answer and IT guys to phone about a lingering printer problem.
And, in a huge and pleasant surprise, I had a message to call the library's administrative/financial person when I got in. I was dreading it, thinking he was going to tell me they couldn't pay for all of my upcoming conference fees or something, but no - apparently the library wants to reward my work over the past year and offered me either a day off or a $200 gift certificate to a bookstore! I was blown away! I guess I'd better stop complaining about how nobody appreciates my hard work. :)
|
|
|
| |
| Blogging slowdown |
| 04.27.04 (10:59 am) [edit] |
Sorry for the lack of blogging lately. I do most of it at work, and some brilliant construction workers severed our Internet cable on Friday and were only able to order the replacement cable yesterday. We're going crazy at work, we're so dependent on the Internet.
And I'm not very good company today, anyway. Very sad. Been crying since I woke up. I feel hopeless, helpless, and sad. I hate myself for doing this to myself and also I feel guilty constantly - for almost everything I eat, for not getting enough exercise (even when I do get some, it never feels like enough). And, of course, because there's nothing horribly wrong with me. I'm not dying, disfigured, or in horrible pain. I just have this chronic disease to cope with, and I'm failing at that. I'm tired of dealing with it already, and it's never going to go away.
|
|
|
| |
| Hooray!! |
| 04.21.04 (3:56 pm) [edit] |
|
Well, at least one thing's looking up. My husband passed his driving test today - with flying colours and compliments from the examiner. Yay!
|
|
|
| |
| Mmm...CDs.... |
| 04.20.04 (6:18 pm) [edit] |
In order to force myself out of the library for a walk this afternoon (before it started raining again) I decided I'd go to the very conveniently located A&B Sound just up the street. I was only going to buy one CD, but then I noticed an Aerosmith one, so I was helpless.
The one I went in for was Toby Keith's Shockin' Y'all. I'm a bit scared, I'm becoming a bit of a country fan. It seems like the last bastion of fun in today's music, everything else is either political, depressing, violent, or just sounds crappy. And, okay, Toby Keith is hunky. :oops:
Actually, we've been catching the odd episode of the country music channel's Nashville Star and those folks are [b]really[/b] talented. They're at least a dozen times better than just about anyone on American Idol.
And the new Aerosmith is a blues tribute album called Honkin' on Bobo. I have no idea what that means, but I have a huge thing for Steven Tyler. And I'm learning to appreciate the blues, since my husband's a big blues fan.
|
|
|
| |
| I don't think that's a word... |
| 04.20.04 (3:47 pm) [edit] |
I had a book out from the library, [i]Defeating Diabetes: a no-nonsense approach to type 2 diabetes and the diabesity epidemic[/i]. I didn't read it before it was due, the no-nonsense approach was dense and scary and I can only handle easy-to-read stuff at the moment.
As I was returning it yesterday, I noticed the subtitle and thought "Diabesity? That's not a word." So I decided to look it up and it turns out it's a registered trademark of Shape Up America to describe the link between diabetes and obesity. http://www.shapeup.org/diabes...
Well, okay, go ahead and create a hybrid word, but it struck me as weird. I wonder if Shape Up America knows they used the authors used their word?
|
|
|
| |
| Pictures of my name, but not of me |
| 04.19.04 (2:01 pm) [edit] |
This seems to be making the blog-rounds. Type your name into Google's image search and pick your favourite one. I couldn't pick just one, although I avoided the one of topless women. :)
I wish I could be a glamor girl.
This one actually looks sort of like me. :)
This looks like my dog, but her name is Vanilla, not Gigi. Seems there are lots of dogs out there named Gigi. Hmmm...what does that say about me? :)
|
|
|
| |
| Menu Melancholy |
| 04.19.04 (10:05 am) [edit] |
Now, let me start off my saying I know this is [b]really [/b]petty, but it really upset me last night. We went out to dinner with my parents and ended up at a pub which served serviceable but generic food - big sandwiches, burgers, pasta. My first thought when I looked at the menu was "I can't have any of this." The second was that none of it really appealed to me, either. I dithered over that menu, not knowing what to do. My whole family ordered and I just sat there, not knowing what to order. The waitress was very nice about it and offered to come back in a few minutes. Finally, I decided on the one thing that appealed to me, a chicken burger with avocado, bacon, and cheese. Not the healthiest choice, but I decided that since we were out, I'd have something I'd enjoy and I could always take half home.
Well, it came without half the toppings and it was soggy and disgusting and all I could think was that it was a sign I shouldn't be eating it. So, I sat there eating this awful thing, until my dad called the waitress over to fix the toppings. Which was good, but I hate making a fuss. And by then I was so upset with the whole dining out experience I didn't care. I choked the "improved" burger down and then went in the bathroom and cried because it feels like it will always be that way - not being able to eat like a normal person and feeling guilty when I try to enjoy food.
My medication picks random times to upset my stomach, so of course it had to pick last night, so I was crying in the bathroom, feeling horrible. I was depressed and ill for the rest of the night, and had another cry when I went to bed, which meant I got about 4 hours of sleep, so I feel really fab this morning.
My husband says I'm doing really well and that nobody expects me to be the master of diabetes after only a month and a half. And I know that's true, but it still feels like I should sometimes.
|
|
|
| |
| Today's Unconscious Mutterings |
| 04.18.04 (10:52 am) [edit] |
I've been having fun looking around at all of the different blog memes out there, and figured I'd start doing some. Particularly on days like today, when I have nothing to post about. :)
So, from Luna Nina's Unconscious Mutterings, http://subliminal.lunanina.co..., here's my free association of the day:
1. Virginia: Beach
2. Soft: hard
3. Carol: Channing (or Shields)
4. Feminist: Gloria Steinem
5. Alias: TV show
6. Coward: Noel
7. Beer: drink
8. Chance: second
9. Honest: Billy Joel (his song Honestly came to mind :) )
|
|
|
| |
| Not much going on |
| 04.17.04 (11:44 am) [edit] |
Not much to report. My poor husband had his wisdom teeth (all 4) out on Thursday, so I've been trying to look after him, my poor puffy-jawed boy.
I seem to be losing weight, which is encouraging. Whether it's due to the medication or me trying to control my portions and get more exercise, I'm not sure. Probably a combination of both. But whatever the reason, I'll take it! :)
|
|
|
| |
| Ducks |
| 04.15.04 (5:44 pm) [edit] |
Our apartment complex has a large, English-style garden attached to it, with a big fountain the middle. Last year, just around the time we were getting married, 2 ducks hung out there every day. A male and a female, they'd just sit on the stone wall or paddle around. I got really fond of those ducks. And, to my delight, they're back! At first it was only the male, but over the weekend I saw his mate was with him, too and was overjoyed. I'm honestly like a 5 year-old about those ducks. Coming back after a walk the other day I asked my husband "Can we go see the ducks??" I've also done some public quacking. I don't know what it is, but those ducks make me very happy. Ah well, it's the small things in life, I suppose. :)
|
|
|
| |
| Babies |
| 04.14.04 (12:37 pm) [edit] |
A friend of mine at work had her baby boy last night. We're all so excited to see him. And her, of course, we've missed her. :) And I know at least 2 other women who are pregnant at the moment.
It makes me worry about my baby chances. I love kids and want at least one, but we're not in a position to support a child right now and my health wouldn't allow it, anyway. (Remember the deformed baby comment from Dr. S.) And then I wonder if my health will every allow it? I know that it's possible for diabetic women to have babies, but what if I wasn't able to control my blood sugar and damaged the baby? And you have to inject insulin rather than taking oral drugs, which scares the hell out of me.
And of course, being a newlywed, people keep asking us when we're going to have a baby. I hate that. Do they really want to know the answers?
- When my husband gets a job, which he's been hunting for for almost a year because I made him leave his job and country and home to marry me and the job market here sucks ass.
- When we can afford to buy a house or at least something bigger than our tiny apartment.
- When I lose enough weight to be able to have a healthy pregnancy.
- When I get my diabetes under enough control to have a baby.
- When I'm emotionally ready to have a baby, which isn't right now. I can barely look after myself.
All the same, I saw an adorable little outfit with ducks and teddies on it the other day. I'm going to get one for my friend, but I think I'll get one for me, too, to tuck away but to remind me that it'll happen for me some day, somehow. Just not now.
|
|
|
| |
| No, I do not want a donut |
| 04.14.04 (11:57 am) [edit] |
|
I had to practically use force to keep the woman at Tim Horton's from giving me a donut yesterday. I went there for a sandwich, figuring I could eat half for lunch and half for dinner, and because of their sandwich combos, she said "And you get a free donut with that." I said no thanks, I didn't need a donut. "You can have cookies." No, thank you, I don't want anything fattening. "It's cheaper with the donut." Finally I convinced her I was not in need of pastry and didn't mind paying more for less. It's not her fault, it's her job to tell you about the cheaper deal, but geez, here I am trying so hard to be good and it takes me 3 tries to fend off the extra calories.
|
|
|
| |
| The low-carb thing has gone too far |
| 04.13.04 (3:32 pm) [edit] |
I don't agree with Dr. Atkins' take on carbs, but even at this early stage, I've noticed the effect of them on my blood sugar. So I know it's important to watch your carbs, especially refined, useless ones. I was bemused when I noticed it had taken centre stage on a bunch of restaurant menus and I know our Atkins books at the library have dozens of holds. That kind of thing doesn't surprise me. But yesterday I saw proof that the craze has gone too far.
There's a market across from our building that specializes in organic foods and other healthful stuff, in addition to being a place to duck into when you're out of milk or eggs. They've recently put up flashy little signs all over the place that say Low Carb Product because they know people are gagging for low carb products. Very good marketing indeed. And it's not such a bad idea, especially to highlight things that are specifically designed as low-carb products. But yesterday I noticed one sticking out from the [b]bottled water shelf[/b]. How stupid do they think their customers are that they have to point out that [b]water[/b] doesn't have any carbs? It just blew my mind.
|
|
|
| |
| The day of the jug |
| 04.13.04 (9:38 am) [edit] |
Well, today's the day I have to return my big orange jug. I was wrong about the size, I'd minimized it in my mind's eye. It's actually a 4-litre jug. Holy dinah. I guess they have to be prepared for all sizes of bladder. Perhaps some guys really do have to pee like racehorses.
On my list of Things I Never Thought I'd Do, carrying a jug full of my own urine on public transit is right up there.
|
|
|
| |
| Food feels like a foe |
| 04.12.04 (10:11 am) [edit] |
I'm afraid to eat. I know I need to, yet I'm still so confused about what I should be eating that it seems like everything is booby-trapped to cause my blood sugar to rise. The only thing I know for sure is non-starchy vegetables. And small amounts of protein seem good. But every other damn thing contains carbohydrates and some things I read say no to carbohydrates, but most say they're okay in moderation. But then they cause blood sugar to go way up, so that seems like it can't be right.
I'm also finding that I'm not as hungry as I should be at some times (like first thing in the morning) and hungry when I shouldn't be (like half an hour after eating).
It does seem as if the 4 hours between meals guideline the dietician at the pre-diabetes clinic recommended is a good one, but I often get hungry in between.
I just wish I could get it all figured out so I didn't feel so anxious all the time.
|
|
|
| |
| Surrounded by stuff |
| 04.11.04 (11:33 am) [edit] |
I'm really having fun exploring the world of Tblog. (I hope folks don't mind when I link to them, even if they don't know me.)
I was looking at Cyberpal's blog and this sounded like fun, even if it will reveal what slobs my husband and I are.
"Today's mundane task is to ask for 15 objects in your immediate vicinity..."
1. Husband's chequebook
2. Husband's watch
3. A twist tie
4. Husbands W-2 (Husband has been doing taxes online)
5. Empty Vanilla Coke can
6. A pen from the Jolly Roger Inn my parents brought me from California
7. Lots of Husband's Lego
8. A box of Groggy coasters from Ikea
9. A picture of Husband and me at an amusement park the first time he came to BC to visit me
10. A yellow blow-up happy face pirate balloon, complete with peg leg
11. A tube of chapstick
12. A beanie baby lamb a friend brought me when I was in the hospital a few years ago
13. A hair elastic
14. A purple knitted potholder that my friend's mom gave me as a housewarming gift
15. One of my book journals that I use to keep track of what I've read, because I'm a big book geek.
There's mine. Cyberpal has a bunch of other people's interesting surroundings in her comments. http://cyberpal.tblog.com/
|
|
|
| |
| Naughty shirt |
| 04.11.04 (11:02 am) [edit] |
While I had no shoe luck yesterday, I did buy a bunch of tops I probably don't need. 2 were those 70's-inspired screen-printed ones that I thought were cute.
I got home and modelled them for my husband. The first one says something about a spin the bottle party. He took one look at the first one and started laughing. I asked why and he said "You didn't notice the bj's?!" What? It turns out it says:
[b]
[i] Bee Jay's[/i]
Spin the Bottle Party
Don't Kiss and Tell[/b]
Ooops! I had noticed it, but it just struck me as someone's name. I didn't make the connection. I'm going to keep it, because I still think it's cute, but I'll have to be careful where I wear it.
|
|
|
| |
| Fun with mud |
| 04.11.04 (10:01 am) [edit] |
Well, the shoe-shopping was a failure, sadly. Like my body, my feet are short and wide, so shoes are either too narrow or too long. So that was kind of depressing, because I really need some comfortable shoes other than my sneakers. I'm only a few steps (ha!) away from buying a bunch of different-coloured sneakers and people will just have to deal with it. I've been longing for years for another pink pair of Converse high-tops, ever since I grew out of my childhood pair. :)
But, my friend and I did have a ball at the spa, which was so cool. When I got up I decided (as I've done before, but this time I'm going to try to stick to it) that I need to do more nice stuff for myself, whether it's getting more exercise or treating myself to things occasionally. So I declared we were getting facials and dragged her into the Aveda day spa at the mall. I highly recommend their Moor Mud Facial - my skin looks lovely! :) Plus they do a hand, arm, chest, and head massage and surround you with a "sensory experience" (or perhaps it was journey) of aromatherapy. I think they take that part a bit too seriously, but I did smell very nice afterwards and it was verrrrry relaxing.
|
|
|
| |
| Feeling a bit better |
| 04.10.04 (9:26 am) [edit] |
Sorry for all the moaning yesterday, but that's one of the reasons I started this, to have somewhere to put that stuff. I should probably keep it to myself in a written diary, but this really seemed like the best format to me for some reason.
I was talking to my mom last night and she pointed out that the diabetes developed over a period of time and I can't make it go away overnight just because I have a monitor now. Which I know. It's just so upsetting to be able to see the results and know I'm not normal. And especially to think they'll be okay (like after a proper meal and some exercise) and then they're not.
I'm going shopping with my best friend today. I figure I need some shoes that fit well for my diabetic feet. Hey, any excuse for retail therapy. And if get new shoes, I'll need a new bag... :)
|
|
|
| |
| It IS a disease and it IS serious! |
| 04.09.04 (9:20 am) [edit] |
My family and friends don't seem to want to admit I have a disease. Both a friend and my mom have recently said "Oh, it's not really a [i]disease[/i], is it? It's a condition." No, people, I have a bloody disease (ha, pardon the pun)!
I guess it's because it's an invisible disease (at least so far for me). I don't look sick and I don't feel particularly bad yet (apart from the fear, depression, and always being tired). And, of course, it could be worse. I'm getting really tired of hearing that one. Yes, it could be. I could have cancer or AIDS or any number of horrible things. But I could also NOT have diabetes. So, while it could be worse, it could also be a hell of a lot better.
|
|
|
| |
| Not a good morning |
| 04.09.04 (9:11 am) [edit] |
It's a gorgeous day outside, it's a holiday and I could be sleeping in (which I desperately need), and yet I'm awake and crying. Now, I've always been a huge crier, anyway, but now I've been given something to cry about.
I hate this disease. I hate my body. I hate myself for causing it. I know, I know, there are multiple factors, but really, it seems like it's the weight that did me in. And now I will have diabetes for the rest of my life.
That's terrifying to me. The rest of my life. I feel like I'll never be a normal person again. How will it ever not be on my mind constantly? How will I ever stop worrying about the damage it could be doing to every single organ in my body every single day?
I keep hearing things like that in my head, since I went to the clinic this week. "Diabetes affects every organ in your body." "Once you're diabetic, you're always diabetic. You may get it under control, but it will always be there in the background." What a hopeless life sentence that is.
I've only been testing my blood sugar for 3 days and already my fingers hurt. And every time it's too high (which is most of the time, since I haven't actually received much guidance yet about how to control it) I hate myself even more.
I think about all of this and all I can do is cry. I've been trying to change my life around to help myself, but what if it's not enough? I don't think I have it in me to fight it forever.
|
|
|
| |
| About Me |
| 04.08.04 (8:20 pm) [edit] |
I started off with a brief list of things about me but I thought I'd work on it and make it into one of those 100 Things lists. So, here it is, a work in progress:
1. I'm 29 years old
2. I live in British Columbia, Canada
3. I have brown hair
4. And blue eyes
5. I'm short (not quite 5 feet)
6. And round
7. I'm diabetic
8. I'm a Children's Librarian
9. My library is in the worst part of town.
10. I've been married to my wonderful husband since May 2003.
11. I met him online.
12. He immigrated from the States to marry me, which I still can't quite get over.
13. I'm an Anglophile. I love the accent, the humour, the insanely good chocolate...
14. I always long to go back to England, but if I could get past that, the top destination on my list is Italy, followed by Ireland. But there are [b]so[/b] many places to see!!
15. I've travelled to England, Scotland, Wales, France, Holland, across Canada as far as Ontario when I was a kid, and various states - Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Minnesota (where my husband hails from, so it's special), Maine, New York (which I loved!), New Hampshire, and Florida.
16. The state I'd most like to visit is Louisiana, but I'm interested in visiting the South in general.
17. I'd like to visit the Maritime provinces, especially Prince Edward Island.
18. My favourite books as a child were Anne of Green Gables and The Phantom Tollbooth. I stand by them both today.
19. I [b]love[/b] Broadway musicals. Have since I was a little kid and my mom played me her My Fair Lady and Oklahoma records.
20. I love Aerosmith. Mmm...Steven Tyler...
21. I'm a big fan of Barenaked Ladies, although they've gotten a bit too serious lately.
22. I developed a big thing for Leonard Cohen when I was 17. That gravelly voice...
23. Thanks to my husband I now love Queen.
24. And Jim Croce.
25. I'm also fond of Billy Joel.
26. Books, books, books!!! I tend to read way too much fluffy chick lit until my brain decides it needs something more substantial.
27. I belong to a book club of librarians I went to library school with.
28. Despite my love of reading, I watch way too much TV - just about anything on TLC, almost any reality show no matter how idiotic, and recently I've started watching all of the Law and Orders.
29. Speaking of TLC, I desperately need to be on both What Not To Wear and Clean Sweep.
30. I was adopted
31. I have a hard time resisting stuffed animals.
32. My bathroom is overrun with rubber ducks.
33. I collect music boxes.
34. And Christmas ornaments.
35. I'm happiest when I'm in or around water, whether it's the bathtub or the ocean or just a fountain nearby.
36. I love to buy new bath products, but many of them end up half-used when I tire of them or just stashed under the sink and forgotten about. My husband just can't understand this. But there are so many to try!
37. I wore what I now realize was a hideous dress to grad (the prom). It was bubble-gum pink with huge puffed sleeves and sparkly things and tulle. At the time I thought it was gorgeous. How wrong I was.
38. I love board games, especially Trivial Pursuit, Scattergories, and Cranium.
39. One of my very favourite places is the Empress Hotel in Victoria, BC.
40. I love Art Deco.
41. I really like vintage posters, especiall advertising ones.
42. I'm scared to drive. I (barely) managed to get a license when I was 19 and maybe drove 3 times right after and not since.
43. I was a drama geek in high school. I loved stage managing the plays.
44. I'm almost finally over my late teenage crushes on Jack Nicholson and Harrison Ford.
45. I currently have a mini-crush on country singer Toby Keith.
46. I'm in awe of American supermarkets, especially the frozen food sections.
47. I love Ben and Jerry's, largely because all the cool flavours aren't available in my province, so I have to stock up whenever I'm across the border.
48. Another of my favourite places is my parents' trailer in a Washington State beach town called Birch Bay.
49. I've been collecting Christmas ornaments since I was 6.
50. I'm a Capricorn.
51. The Zoloft commercials with the depressed little cartoon puffball makes me ridiculously sad.
52. I'm really messy, both my apartment and my office at the library are disaster areas.
|
|
|
| |
| 2 Very Different Kids' Diabetes Novels |
| 04.08.04 (7:48 pm) [edit] |
Diabetes has been a big fear of mine since I was a kid and I read a novel about it. It was called [i]Don't Call Me Sugar Baby! [/i]by Dorothy Joan Harris. It was published in 1983, so I was probably 10 so and I read it several times. I've read reviews calling it a great book, but it scared the heck out of me. I was convinced (many times over the years) that I had it as soon as I felt thirsty or irritable. And, lo and behold, 10 years later my fear is realized. It's out of print now, and wouldn't be very accurate, anyway, since she has to test her urine daily and there's a real sense that it's a terrible, urgent problem. Of course, perhaps with children it is. I know I haven't been treated as if I have a serious disease by the medical system yet. But that book really marked me.
A new young adult book that I found very interesting (before I was diagnosed, I probably would've read it more closely afterwards) is [i]Sweetblood[/i] by Pete Hautman (published just last year). 16 year-old Lucy is going through some serious teenage rebellion. She becomes obsessed with vampires and hangs out in an online vampire chatroom, which leads to a creepy real-life meeting. Lucy has a theory that vampire legends were actually about diabetics in the Middle Ages, before people knew about the disease. She cites the receded gums, thirst, and various stages of a dibetic coma her reasons for believing this. I thought it was going to be a straight-up teen vampire novel, but a big part of her rebellion is to stop treating her diabetes, resulting in some serious health scares. I think it would be a good read for diabetic teens, especially since it's not just about diabetes, it has the ever-popular vampire element, too.
|
|
|
| |
| Little Orange Jug |
| 04.08.04 (3:40 pm) [edit] |
Some of you may have had to do this test yourselves, but this was my first experience with such a thing.
When Dr. S told me about my leaky kidneys, he said I'd have to do a 24-hour urine test and gave me yet another lab form. He said they'd give me a bottle (or maybe it was a jar) to use for 24 hours. Ick, I thought, but oh well. I was picturing a slightly bigger version of the typical urine sample bottle. So I went to pick up this receptacle on Tuesday and it was [b]not[/b] a bottle or a jar, it was a JUG, probably about half a gallon. And it's bright orange. It looks like something you'd take camping to keep your water supply in. Plus a plastic cup for pouring purposes that looks like it belongs at a keg party rather than in my bathroom.
Fortunately the nurse gave me a plastic bag to hide it in, but when she first hauled it out from behind the counter you could have knocked me over with a feather. And now every time I think about it, I hear that old song Little Brown Jug in my head. Since I have no desire to haul my jug to work with me, I'm glad that the long weekend is coming up and I'll be able to stay home and pee away for 24 hours.
|
|
|
| |
| Diagnosis |
| 04.08.04 (11:22 am) [edit] |
In a week, I went back and low and behold I'm told by the lovely Dr. S "Well, you're definitely diabetic!" in his charming manner. I'm given a prescription for Metformin and the blood pressure medication Altace and again told to lose weight. Oh, and that if I plan to get pregnant, I can't do it while taking Metformin because it causes birth defects. No advice, no support, just the facts, ma'am (though hardly any of those, really). He refers me to an an opthamologist, gives me yet another lab test form, and tells me I'll be put on the waiting list for the diabetes education clinic at the hospital, but it's got a 2-month waiting list. And that's it, come back in 3 weeks.
3 weeks later, I'm still concerned but pleased that I've been taking the meds and working on diet and exercise. What do I get? Not actually much about my diabetes, he's all about my blood pressure. Which is fine, but I kind of wanted to see how I was doing with that other little problem, y'know? And again he's all about bluntness - I have protein leaking from my kidneys into my urine, say the lab results. I ask him what that means and he says he'll tell me more later. Luckily my BP is better and it seems as if other stuff is, too, although I'm so worried about my kidneys I don't really take it in. When I ask about it again, his detailed analysis is....there's protein leaking from my kidneys into my urine. Thanks. Because he talks about increasing my BP meds I get the impression this is caused more by the high BP than the diabetes (although it's not til I get home and read about it that I see this is the case). He says something about it happening "already" which gives me the impression my kidneys are being horribly damaged (although don't really know what it means). The upshot is, I have to increase the BP meds and go and see an endocrinologist (who, it turns out, doesn't have an appointment available for over a month, so more suffering without proper information for me).
Before I stumble out of the office, I ask for more yeast infection treatment and he prescribes me the oral pill for it. He again mentions not getting pregnant while on Metformin (because the yeast pill reduces the birth control pill's effectiveness) because it would ensure that "you'd have a deformed baby!" again with his weird nervous chuckle.
So I've been doing a lot of going home after dr's appointments and crying all over my husband. The thing is, I have a really nice family doctor, but she's hard to get an appointment with, is always backed up, and is farther away. And now everything's all set up with Dr. S. Maybe when I get more settled into it, I'll swap over to her.
|
|
|
| |
| Pre-diagnosis (warning: contains mention of female problems) |
| 04.08.04 (11:18 am) [edit] |
So, I've been officially diabetic for about a month now. Not sure how long I'd been high blood sugaring along before that, probably close to a year. Here's the start of the saga...
At the end of February, I went to a local clinic because I had a (sorry, it has to be said) horrifying yeast infection. This clinic is open on the weekends and I knew I wasn't going to be able to stand it another day. Now, this clinic has great hours and is easy to get to, but their doctors are hit and miss. I've had recurring yeast infections for about a year and they never seemed to be able to treat them. I now know that they're a symptom of diabetes, but at the time I just thought they were all incompetent doctors. (Particuarly the female one who told me that I didn't have a yeast infection and that to help the symptoms I should "blot myself with a towel" after using the bathroom rather than using toilet paper - wow, 21st century medical technology, eh?).
Anyway, I had a different female dr, Dr. Y who decided it was an allergic reaction to sugar (in that area? okay...) and gave me burn-your-skin cream and sent me for a blood test. When I came back in a week for the results, I got the dr I have now, Dr. S. He has zero bedside manner. He basically told me that I probably had diabetes but he'd have to order a battery of tests to be sure. He also took my blood pressure and seemed genuinely shocked to find out it was high, after being told this potentially life-changing, horrible news. Duh, dude. When he offered me no more information, I said, to try and draw some out of him "So...am I going to go into a diabetic coma or something...?" He chuckled and said no, he didn't think so (but he didn't sound very reasurring). His sole advice was that I should lose weight (thanks, didn't know that - I've only been trying for almost 20 years) and he sent me off with a lab test sheet and told me to come back in a week.
So, my husband and I were scheduled to leave for a mini-vacation a couple of days later and you can imagine how relaxed and carefree I felt during that trip. Little did I know that it would only get worse...
|
|
|
| |
| Before we go any further... |
| 04.07.04 (2:07 pm) [edit] |
...I'm sure it's pretty clear, but I just want to state for the record that I'm not a medical professional and this blog isn't meant to offer actual medical information. Perhaps we'll share some advice and tips along the way, but for medical information about the disease, you should consult your doctor a diabetes group such as the Canadian Diabetes or the American Diabetes Association.
Probably not necessary, but I don't want anyone to think I'm an expert. I'm just barely figuring things out myself right now. :)
|
|
|
| |
| My name is Gigi... |
| 04.07.04 (1:03 pm) [edit] |
...and I'm a diabetic. [Pause for everyone to say "Hi, Gigi."] I'm a newly-diagnosed diabetic and I can't stop thinking about it. I thought maybe an online journal would help me get some of it out of my head and also maybe meet some folks in the same boat.
Even though the blog format isn't as good as a bulletin board for easy discussion, I'd be delighted to hear from and post for anyone who has diabetes issues to discuss. Feel free to e-mail me at gigisdiary@hotmail.com.
(Hmmm..."Gigi's Diary" sounds a lot more, well, full of interesting possibilities than a diabetic one, doesn't it? :wink: )
I'm new to Tblog, so I have a feeling the layout will be very boring for a while, sorry about that.
|
|
|
| |
|
E-mail Me
About Me
Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!
|
